Monday evening, at 7:18pm, I wrote the words THE END, and finished the first draft of a novel I started in May. I set a personal record for words written in one session (nearly 4,000). I felt exhausted, but also exultant, and relieved, and a host of other emotions. I texted this picture to my wife, and admitted I had a lump in my throat as I took it. My wife and kids had a dance party when I walked in the door fifteen minutes later.
In the software business, we always talked about artifacts, proof that something happened or existed. These artifacts were usually working software, but were sometimes contracts, documentation, test results, or emails. These artifacts were immensely satisfying to produce, especially the working software. I loved seeing people derive value from something I produced (even if it had bugs, which it usually did).
As satisfying as it was to solve problems with software, I never felt exultant. I never felt overcome by emotion.
[quick aside: my wife told my kids I had a lump in my throat after finishing my draft. My kids said they wouldn’t know what to do if they saw me cry. I informed them it never got that far. My kids remained unnerved.]
My wife asked me what was different this time. She meant with this novel, and referred to the fact I wrote another novel—technically my first novel—between September 2019 and April 2020. And she meant with my feelings about finishing the novel. And I would add my feelings about all the software projects in my prior life.
The answer to my wife’s question is some mixture of the following:
I was never really happy with the first novel I wrote. I didn’t execute well. I never actually wrote THE END because I kept fiddling with the plot. I love the idea, and the characters, but it needs to be rewritten. I am disappointed with how my first book turned out, but not discouraged. I failed, but I also learned more about writing by actually writing, than by reading about writing.
So, I feel different because the results are different, but my feelings are enhanced by the fact that I failed, I learned, and I tried again.
Writing a (first draft of a) novel is the most difficult individual challenge I’ve ever undertaken. My accomplishments in the software world were usually team accomplishments. Rarely did I ever build something on my own, even if I was the stakeholder, or architect, or designer. I always had fellow builders (which had its own satisfaction). Yet doing something big, on my own, brought a different feeling.
[another aside: I’d be a fool to believe I’m on my own. My wife is my biggest fan (her words, not mine). I could never do this without the support of so many people.]
Finishing the manuscript on Monday reminded me how fortunate, how blessed, I am to be in a position to write a novel in the first place. I’m grateful for the heavenly and earthly guidance that led to that moment.
Now a dose of reality: most novels go through rounds of revisions and/or rewrites. I’m under no illusion that I’m ‘done’. I won’t be done until people can buy my book on Amazon, or in the airport, or listen to it on their phone. There’s a lot of work to make that happen, but I’m thrilled to take the next steps.
By the way, the two columns of numbers on green sticky notes represent my progress on the draft. Every morning when I sat down at my desk, I would record my starting word count (left column), and my target for the end of the day (right column). My goal was to write 1,500 words per day. If you scan the left column, you can see my good days and my… less good days. Also, my wife asked to read the draft, but she didn’t want to wait until I was done, so I printed it in batches as I went (pic below).
6 Responses
That is awesome Justin. Can’t wait to read it. What an accomplishment.
Thanks, Perry. Much appreciated. It’s been a long time coming.
This is fantastic news, Justin! Probably the closest thing I’ve ever felt was when I finished my thesis defense (still had to do a couple rounds of edits before submitting my thesis for publication), but I’m sure this is a bit different for you. Congratulations! I can’t wait to read the book.
Thanks for the congratulations, Curtis. Much appreciated.
Ah, excellent news indeed sir. May your writing muscles now prove conditioned to ably maneuver you through editing and revising without undue angst. No doubt there is challenging yet satisfying work to be found in the word-polishing ahead of you.Trust yourself, but do not hold on too tightly to shiny thoughts or phrases or words you love but that you suspect might be the wrong color or shape for the pattern as currently pieced together. Such objects store well in your writing tote and will stay perfectly fresh until needed. Bravo on The End!
Arthur, thanks for the comments.
Great advise. I force myself to repeat the mantra there’s-more-than-one-way-to-communicate-an-idea while I’m reading/editing. It *is* easy to latch onto specific turns of phrase, but the words serve the paragraph, and the paragraphs serve the chapter. I start the self-edit process today, so I’ll find out whether or not I can be true to the novel.
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